thanks to you, now i get, i get what i want

We're finally moving ahead and booking Papillio Photography to shoot our wedding day photos! I am super excited that we're officially scheduling our first real vendor! I spent the last three months researching and agonizing over photographers that I thought I would share my experience with my readers...

My mother had been planning my wedding since the day I was born. No, seriously, she had been. No matter how old I was, every guy I dated had the potential to be my husband according to MZ (short for Momzilla). Pete* when I was 24, Pat* when I was 19, Mark* when I was 15, heck, even Joe* when I was 12! Even though Jane Austen lived about 2oo years before my mother, she certainly had MZ in mind when she observed:

"A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment."

Mom was a young wife herself and so she became frustrated year after year when I still remained hopelessly single. At first, she was generally positive about my prospects but by my 25th birthday, I believe she was near suicidal. She and I seemed to be crossing paths in an unusual way; my standards for my future husband seemed to be higher and higher while hers seemed to be falling faster than gravity should allow. MZ would cry and complain that I was too picky, too selective, too snobby. She wailed that I never liked the good guys, that I only wanted the jerks. Now, in fairness to her, that was partly true. I had dated more than a couple of jerks in my lifetime while tossing away more than a couple of sweethearts.

But the truth is, I knew. I knew what I wanted and I knew I wasn't going to settle until I found it. It didn't matter how sweet the guy was or how nice he treated me or how much money he made, I had a package in mind and I wasn't going to be happy with anything less than that. And so I waited. I waited until I found a guy who was tall, dark, handsome, smart, sweet, funny, sensitive, family-oriented, hard-working, social, comfortable, etc.

Okay, I can go on and on about all the traits that describe my perfect man but I don't want to bore you. The point is, my mother (and a lot of other people) told me that my standards were set too high and that I would never get EVERYTHING I wanted in one person. I didn't believe her and kept on looking, much to my mother's chagrin.

So what happened? I found him. Now those of you who know my relationship with Gianfranco are probably laughing recalling the time I complained about how he couldn't hang my shelves or the times I teased him for having his mother make his lunch or the night he squealed how much he loves the movie, "The Wedding Date." And for those of you who didn't know before, now you know. Gianfranco loves the movie "The Wedding Date." Of course GF isn't perfect, no one is, but he's perfect for me. He's what I've always wanted in a guy, flaws included. And I thank God everyday that I didn't listen to my mother and I WAITED.

Now you're wondering - how in the WORLD does this tie in with photography? Well, I applied the same theory to photography and I'm so glad I did.

1. A little bit of this, a little bit of that. Why did my standards for a future husband begin to rise as I got older? Because I dated so many different guys that I was able to piece all the good traits together and create my own Frankenstein of a man. Gianfrankenstein, I should say! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I know all my friends are groaning right now because of that corny joke! But it's true. It wasn't until I looked around and saw my options did I know what I want and what I didn't want. Same for photography. I liked the guest book from one photographer and sepia shots from another photographer. I kept an ongoing list of all the items I wanted in my picture perfect package, pun intended, and I waited for the right photographer. For the basics, I wanted all day coverage, two photographers, a 12x12 flush album, an engagement session and a guest book. I wanted to stick to my $4,000 budget. I wanted to know the people who would be shooting my wedding. I wanted to pay my balance only when I received my prints. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted. Everyone told me to look at the big picture and to sacrifice something in order to get the majority of what I wanted. Even the fiance told me to "just pick one!" and forget the other stuff. I said no. Instead, I kept an Excel spreadsheet of about two dozen photographers and I recorded everything they offered in their packages, along with the subtotal, tax and total. Then I sorted them by total price in ascending order and compared their packages. In the end, I was able to include EVERYTHING I wanted in a package that was actually UNDER my budget. Imagine that!
   
2. Till death do us part. That doesn't only apply to the man I plan on marrying. It also applies to the photographer whose pictures I hope to show my great-grandchildren one day. Just as I thought about my long-term feelings about GF before we got engaged, I also thought about how my appreciation of my wedding pictures would have to last years and years. A wise photographer once told me that while photojournalism is hotter than this past end of April, this trend could be fleeting and seem outdated in a decade. The photographer we just booked warned us that the plexiglass album covers may end up looking as ridiculous and gaudy as the 1970s turtleneck wedding dresses my friends' mothers wore back in the day.
3. Love the one you're with. Once we're married, I will see Gianfranco every day for the rest of my life. His face will be there when I wake up, when I eat dinner and when I go to bed. His voice will be the first and last thing I hear. If I can't tolerate his corny jokes or his Homer Simpson pajamas, then I shouldn't be marrying him. The same with my photographers. They are the people with whom I will be spending the most time on my wedding day. They will be there before I get dressed until the last person leaves the hall. Even Gianfranco won't see me that much that day! If we don't like our photographers' personalities, then how will they possibly capture ours? I sat talking to our photographers for nearly 2 hours before we booked them. I felt comfortable and relaxed and myself, all things I'll need to feel on my wedding day in order for them to get the most natural and candid shots.
4. Never settle. If I've learned anything over the last 27 years, it's that you should never settle for less than what you want. Life's too short for regret. Of course you should compromise, but you should never push yourself so far that you'll resent yourself or your spouse or your mother later on. Every bride has her own expectations, her own hopes, her own criteria and her own budget. She shouldn't let anyone bully her into spending more, getting less or giving up. There are so many photographers out there; there is bound to be one who fits all of her needs.
   

So brides, remember - for every pot, there is a lid. And for every wedding, there is a photographer.